Efils' God

So this is my farewell post for now as I'm probably not going to blog for a while. I'll be in Kigali in about 3 weeks and will probably pop by Kampala at some point next month. I'm not sure when I'm going to pick up blogging again, but I figure it will be at least a month.
Thanks to everyone who's been reading and a special thank you to Rama, Twineez, Raymond, Iwaya, metameme and anonymouse.
Over and out.

Kriss Akabusi was here

I went for an interns party on Saturday. I was still in a foul mood after watching Manchester United steal a late win so I wasn't feeling up for partying but I still went. I was sitting down talking to the guy next to me when someone I didn't know (he looked suspiciously like a scaled down version of Hurley from Lost)asked me if I wanted a shot of sambuca. I could have said one of two things:
a)Yes please- Give me a shot of sambuca and stand by to document my rapid descent into babbling incoherence. Then watch me stagger around and also develop a suprisingly good aim when I start projectile vomiting in the toilet.
b) No thank you- I want to live!
So as you may imagine, I chose the first option and took a shot. It was pretty foul and moreover the guy had cheated- this was a lot more than a shot. My eyes started to water and I temporarily lost my voice. I think two months on detox have turned me into a kind of alcohol sissy. He took my picture at the moment I downed the shot but I don't want to see it- I probably looked like something out of a Henri Fuseli painting.
As I mentioned before, my internship is ending this week. This will at least keep me from the tribunal library where I've been reading just about all the depressing books they've got. In my two months here, all but two of the books I've read were very grim. In February I read Mass Hate, The Graves are not yet full, The superpower myth Emergency sex and other desperate measures Left to tell and A time for machetes I also slogged my way through the incredibly thick academic prose of Mahmood Mamdani's When Victims become Killers one of the most unreadable books ever written. I can't believe I made it all the way to the end-you don't read this book so much as slog your way through it. It achieves new heights in pretentiousness. Basically with all those books I've read more than I ever wanted to know about how fucked-up the world is. I've never needed a Terry Pratchett so badly.The only book that cheered me up was The world according to Clarkson by the cranky top gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson which I bought off the street for only 2,000 shillings and which I also read last month. I've also got a Nick Hornby to attack soon but I'm even more excited about Brett Easton Ellis's Glamorama which I also bought off the street but haven't read yet.
In a recent poll, Pride and Prejudice was named England's most precious book. Although Austen is essentially chick lit, I like most of her work. I don't really agree with the decision, but I'm personally just glad that the honour didn't go to The Da Vinci Code (shudder)because my poor heart would not have been able to take the strain. There were stories recently about how some of the classics are being re-edited to make them easier to read. A recent War and Peace edition had only 900 pages as opposed to the original 1,500. Tolstoy may have been a bit self-indulgent, but surely if you want a dumbed-down version of the story why not just visit Wikipedia, get the plot summary and be done with it? You can't have it both ways. And I can't stand audio books either but let's not get into that.
I've also been reading about how many of the great books have been banned in many parts of the world and it makes for sad reading. Countries like China still do this- amusingly they also banned Coldplay's first album Parachutes because it contained a song called Spies.Recently I was a bit stunned to read a Uganda blogger admitting to having a soft spot for his Chairman Mao poster and all things Mao-related. The fact that people still adore Mao in this day and age is staggering. In my opinion he is one of the most vile human beings to ever walk the planet. Intentionally create a famine to kill millions of your own countrymen while forcing them to channel all their energy into producing steel for export to Russia? Check. Starting a cultural revolution which has as one of its main thrusts the eradication of intellectuals from public life and a virtual war against knowledge? check. Creating an odious and downright evil personality cult? check Putting in place one of the most repressive regimes known to man? check. I however suspect that the little red book would make good firewood. You might need plenty of them- it's little after all!

-I still haven't got around to writing my jazz post.

-Raymond it's a scandal that you were not nominated for best Ugandan blog! Consider me outraged on your behalf. I demand a recount.

-Congratulations to my friend Susan who is officially engaged and is set to have her wedding in Kampala at some point next year. You have no idea how happy I am for you.

crosses/ standing at the rubicon

It's Friday. I'm bored. This post is long, aimless and will almost certainly go nowhere-fast. Like a fish being attacked by a SWAT team, I don't really know what's going on.
-As long-suffering readers of this blog may know, I'm fascinated by a lot of things. One of them is the concept of an 'explanatory commitee' which is what presidential candidates create when they think they are important enough to run for president. It's the latest fashion accessory. Obama has one, Hillary has one and Giuliani is getting around to it. Frankly I find it an inappropriate image because what my brain conjures up is a team of people drilling for oil. They should think of something less vague because the image I've got in my head is Obama standing around a group of people shouting "Drill! That's the only way we are going to win the election!" And am I the only person who thinks Giuliani always has the expression of a man who has been caught in a compromising situation with a chicken?
-Meanwhile according to A Guardian article I read this morning, colour is back in fashion. Yes it seems colour is...well, the new black. Where has it been all this time you ask? People don't you read? It had previously been replaced by what I'm now calling 'mutant colours'- lilac green and minty green and the like. It was like an alien invasion but one that couldn't be fought with a computer virus as we memorably witnessed in Independence day. Now colours have had enough and are making a comeback. Many years down the line, our children will be staring at us wide-eyed and asking "Where were you when the colours came back into fashion?" and with a trembling lip I will answer "Son, I was an intern sitting bored at my desk when I learned the news. How my heart leapt!"
-I was reading The New Vision and they have one of those pages where people write in asking for love advice. One letter was called 'is she cheating on me?'. The guy in question was saying his girlfriend has deleted his number from her phone, didn't visit him anymore and he had read a romantic message intended for another guy in her phone. She had also forbade him from coming to see her and she didn't hang out with him at all. His question was: what should I do? Is she cheating on me?
Do you want to tell him or should I? Think about all that for a second, Do we need Sherlock Holmes on the case? Well no seeing as he is a fictional character so would be of little use to us but more importantly it's so bloody obvious. Does the guy want a memo? An announcement on radio? Of course she is cheating on you! Why on earth would you need any clarification? In a way it's almost hearwarming to see women acting like the typical guy because its the final proof that we are now virtually equal and can all be assholes in a relationship. It's a far cry from those public-service announcements they used to run in England in the fifties with guidelines like WOMEN-KNOW YOUR LIMITS!
-I'm leaving the tribunal in about a week or so. This means blogging will be pretty light from then on. I'm not entirely sure I'll miss this place-The work was often fairly dull and it was too grim. However I'll really miss Nikki who's been an absolute legend as my partner-in-crime. Certainly someone who doesn't raise an eyebrow when you propose to settle a debate through rock-paper-scissors deserves nothing but the highest praise. She also gets top marks for her ability to carry a running joke for months- the 'Nikki's rebels' gag is still alive and kicking. She's not reading this, but Nikki- I salute you.
-So John Terry gets kicked in the face during the Carling Cup Final and knocked unconscious. He gets carried off the pitch and even people who hate Chelsea- much of the planet incidentally- are worried sick. Then we hear that not only has he recovered, but he recovered sufficiently enough to celebrate with the Chelsea team that night. Top marks to Terry, but really is the man indestructible? If I nearly got my head kicked in, I'd want to spend the night tucked in bed watching a film with some pot noodles in my hand. I wouldn't want to risk my head in an environment-like a club- where elbows are very unpredictable. The fact that he recovered so quickly and was out partying right away is just phenomenal.
Those who watched the Carling up final were also treated to a brawl involving nearly all the players on the pitch. Later on we had pundits and experts moan about how 'disgraceful' it all was, but come on- everyone secretly enjoyed it. We all love to see a bit of fighting on the pitch. This one was even more amusing because the quality of the fighting was so poor they might as well have been using their handbags. There was shoving and shirt pulling and shockingly poor attempts to slap players. The incompetence of the aggression was a joy to behold. If you are fighting, fight properly for Christ's sake. The most amusing aspect of the whole thing was seeing Frank Lampard jump in as soon as the action started and then get bitchslapped and shoved by just about every Arsenal player in sight including Cesc Fabregas who is only 18.
There is an interns party tomorrow which means my general detox is going to come to a crashing halt. I once blogged drunk on my old blog, but I think no one could tell the difference. I haven't really got to know most of the new interns in my office-well I barely know any of the new interns actually- but there was an intriguing conversation in this office yesterday. The girl who sits behind me was talking to her friend across the room and then she said something about "my girlfriend". A few sentences later, I realized that I hadn't misheard- she was indeed a lesbian. She was saying that there was no way she would give birth to a child and she was going to get her partner to do it. It was a little weird. What followed was a long conversation about eggs and who was going donate their sperm to help her and her partner get a baby and all the implications of that. I guess you had to be there.

Anyway a selection of the best stuff I've been reading this month:
Spiked praises Noel Gallagher
Excellent article on sci-fi genius Philip.K.Dick and how some of his stories are turning out to be prophetic.
Zimbabwe meltdown
George Monbiot takes on 9/11 conspiracy theories and gives them a kick up the proverbial
Spiked on the tyranny of the individual
Samizdata on Western companies cooperating with oppressive regimes.
interesting article about quotations inspired by the Yale book of quotations
TIME magazine recently published this fascinating article about consciousness
Following on from the Monbiot article I linked to above Hereis another demolition of 9/11 conspiracy theories
Mick Hume talks sense as usual