Honeysweet, we will brush the cobwebs out of the sky

Today is my birthday. I'm not going to write a long post about the implications of turning 24 because frankly I can't be bothered. Instead I'm going to talk about the best books I read this year- books that moved me, that made me laugh or that made me think.
How mumbo jumbo conquered the world- Francis Wheen: I read most of this book on the long bus journey from Kigali to Kampala in August and I loved every second. The book is an analysis of how so much current discourse has come to be bullshit-oriented with politicians obviously being the main target. Wheen's list of targets includes Margaret Thatcher, Ayatollah Khomenei, Francis Fukuyama, Thomas Friedman, Jacques Derrida and a host of other people who have done so much to send bullshit into the mainstream. The explanation of Alain Sokol's famous hoax article to a post-modernist publication-it was published despite quite clearly being one big joke by Sokol- is probably the highlight of the book. I very strongly recommend this although it would be bloody hard to find. I'm certainly not lending you MY copy.
The curious incident of the dog in the nighttime: Mark Haddon- This book is written from the viewpoint of a child with Asperger's syndrome( a form of autism) He has phenomenal mathematical abilities but cannot interract with people at all. It is a work of fiction, but it gives a compelling insight into the mind of someone with this disorder. The story itself is not particularily gripping, but it is still a book that really stays with you.
The trials of Lenny Bruce: David Skover and Ronald Collins- this is the true story of the persecution of Lenny Bruce- a foul-mouthed US comic who spent most of the early sixties doing battle with the justice system which was determined to jail him for obscenity. So determined were his foes that sometimes he had as many as three court cases AT THE SAME TIME and yet he carried on doing his thing.The book has several surreal moments like policemen sitting in the crowd during his routines writing down how many times words like 'fuck' and 'tits' are uttered. He was eventually dragged to court so many times that he became something of a legal expert and tried to represent himself. The book potrays Bruce as something of a hero who fought censorship and blazed the way for the likes of similar foul-mouthed comedians like Richard Pryor, Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy. They all owe him big time.
Screen Burn:Charlie Brooker- Brooker is a TV critic for The guardian and is possibly the most vitriolic, merciless TV reviewer on earth. He is also possibly the funniest and this book is a collection of about two years' worth of his Screen burn colummn. I laughed until my ribs ached and I felt like I had ripped off the bookstore that sold me the book for only 5 pounds.
The Damage Done: Warern Fellowes- This is the true story of an Australian man who was sentenced to 12 years in a Thailand jail for trying to smuggle heroin into the country. What happens in that prison makes Guantanamo look like Disneyworld. The book is so grim that at times I wondered if I would have the guts to finish it.
Second Variety: Philip.K. Dick- As I have mentioned in the past, I am a big fan of the man I consider to be the best sci-fi writer of all time and this is one of his short story collections (there are five in all) . It is as brilliant as I expected and no self-respecting sci-fi fan should be without it. It certainly compares favourably to his other short-story collections like The father thing and we can remember it for you wholesale.
Mort: Terry Pratchett- I got into Pratchett only last year, and this is possibly the best of the Discworld novels I've read so far. The second-funniest thing I read this year. Like all the discworld novels, you don't want the book to end.
As used on the famous Nelson Mandela:Mark Thomas- This is an account of one man's war against the arms trade. Thomas is an activist, but he is also a comedian so the book is often quite funny although the subject matter obviously is not. One highlight comes when he tricks a senior military official from Indonesia into confessing to human rights abuses in East Timor- a confession which was aired on his channel 4 documentary. It is one of those books that makes you furious at the state of the world- how for example Britain could justify selling hawk aircraft to East Timor knowing full well that they were being used to slaughter thousands of East Timorese. The title comes from an advertising brochure of a company that boasted that it sold the same kind of chains that were used to hold Nelson Mandela in prison.
White teeth: Zadie Smith- Sometimes you read books where the writing is so stunning that you feel as if you are being hypnotized. This books made made feel that way. It is an account of immigrants growing up in post-war England, but quite often I would lose the threads of the plot just to bask in the sheer genius of the writing.
Feeding Frenzy: Will Self- Self is another utterly brilliant writer-he's written for just about every newspaper and magazine in Britain- and this is a collection of his best material ranging from restaurant reviews-the most unorthodox restaurant reviews you could ever read- to TV criticism. This is another book I'm not going to lend anyone unless I have your kidney as collateral.
We are Iran: Nasrin Ahlavi (editor) This is a book that lets us hear the voice of the Iranian youth- through blogs, they are fighting the oppressive government that tries to censor every aspect of their lives. The book collects excerpts from thousands of blogs and the result is quite gripping.
Collected poems: Sylvia Plath- Why do tortured souls write the best poetry? A lot of great stuff in here including one of my all-time favourite poems Soliloquy of a solipsist. I started reading this around Christmas of last year and finished in early January, so I guess it qualifies.

The Thursday evening random post

Kigali.
As recently as three years ago, Kigali was like a teenage boy's room. Messy, chaotic and falling apart. Nothing really seemed to work and much of the city was an eyesore. The turnaround that has happened since then is truly astonishing. The city is sparkling clean, the roads are fantastic and the rate of construction is amazing. You cant even pee on the street anymore without a copper getting all up in your business and that can only be a good thing.
Recently we have had another innovation- garbage cans! On the street! Who would have thought it?
"They are a bit high though" My sister Teta says " How is a child or a midget supposed to throw away their rubbish"
Yes Kigali city council- is anybody thinking of the midgets?

The other day I noticed that a roadsign had been defaced. It was one of those blue signs with a guy gingerly walking on a zebra crossing. Someone had grabbed a blue crayon and firmly scrubbed out the man's face. Is there someone in Kigali walking around with a blue crayon in his pocket attacking road signs? Considering the fact that this sign was right in the center of town, it must have taken balls of steel to deface it. If you want to do this, surely you can make it witty? I remember waking down a street near my old university in Reading and noticing that someone had attacked one of those red 'stop' signs. Using a black marker someone had scrawled 'stop' at the top and at the bottom of the sign was the punchline 'hammertime!' I thought that was funny, but maybe that's just me.
And closer to home, I watched my nutty cousin Tesi-ably assisted by my sisters- do something similar to the board outside the MTN center. The board listed all the offices in the building, but it had small movable white letters so you could easily rearrange the letters. This is exactly what they did so anyone consulting the board will be somewhat baffled to discover that somewhere in the MTN building, there is a shop called WHORES.

The other night I had the weirdest and funniest dream I've had in ages. I had been out drinking with the ugly monkeys (we really need a name change) so perhaps the beer played a role.
In my dream, I was trapped in a cartoon world in a party populated exclusively by ducks. I was in a corner of the room with two ducks who were chatting with each other and ignoring me. And that's when I said it:
"You know what?" I told my new friends "I just realized something. I'm a duck"
They turned around and gave me possibly the oddest looks I have ever received in a dream, and that's when I woke up. I was laughing to myself all morning thinking about that line. Maybe I should ask more questions about my childhood....

It's that time of the year again when every critic is making 'best of the year' lists for everything including ways to make pasta and best ways to kill a mutant mosquito. My list is a little more orthodox. For me, these were the best songs released this year (in no particular order)

1. Starlight: Muse
2.Pranging out: The Streets
3.Save room: John Legend
4.Valerie: The Zutons
5.Sista big bones: Anthony Hamilton
6.Harrowdown hill: Thom Yorke
7. Talk to me/my love: Justin Timberlake
8.Smile: Lilly Allen
9. City of blinding lights: U2
10. Like a star: Corinne Bailey Rae

Be a world child, form a circle: part 2

My internship is officially supposed to end on December 22nd, but I will be in Kigali this Thursday so in reality I am only here for the next few days and blogging will probably be light from here on(I'm still not even sure why I keep blogging, I just can't bloody stop). I just found out that I received an extension to my internship but because most of these people will be gone soon, this is a sort of rambling ''end of phase one''report. Although no one I work with reads this blog (except Eve who left recently) I'm going to give a shout-out to the people who made my internship ...whats the word I'm looking for....success? no. Fun? no, not quite. Let's use the word interesting. Yes, several people conspired to make my internship an interesting one. Because I kept the anti-social nature of my uni years, I only got to know a small fraction of the interns. Interestingly when I noted to Hannah and Anne-Cecile (at separate times) that I wasnt particularily sociable, they both gave answers so similar they were almost identical word-for-word. "Yes I noticed, you are more of a one-on-one kind of guy" I am not entirely sure that's a compliment.
Hannah: For all those coffee breaks, Hannah deserves a special prize.. She is one of those people who comes across as completely genuine and was always excellent company even when grumpy. Gets bonus points for sharing my birthday (December 28th- holy Christ I'm turning 24 in 2 weeks...) She once teased me for being 'too serious' but I suspect she would revise that opinion if she came across this blog. I'll really miss her.
Cedric and Alex: These two have to go together because their banter really lit up the office. Cedric played the stereotypical French role while Alex did the whole I'm-English-and-proud thing. It all made for great entertainment. Alex also turned sarcasm into his main form of communication. You could be pretty sure that when he walked into the room loudly yelling "happy days!" he didn't really mean it. Other gems were sentences like "Dammn, it's all happening in here isn't it?" Cedric also gets bonus points for telling the funniest gay joke of the year and for discovering the coffee spot that made coffee breaks much better for me.
Anne: As the case manager, Anne was my boss but you wouldn't know it from the way she treated Anne-Cecile and I-more like equals than interns to take advantage of. She was very friendly and kind and during court she was more likely to be passing notes saying how bored she was with the whole thing and wondering if the defence lawyer was wearing a wig. She was also always apologetic when she gave us crap jobs to do like photocopying and occasionally bought us lunch to compensate. A pretty cool boss when all is said and done.
Anne-Cecile: She was my team-mate for the duration of the internship and we went through all the photocopying and boring court sessions together not to mention the frustration the job entailed. She also put up with all the teasing I gave her about coming from Swirtzeland- that heaven on earth where a train running late would cause a national scandal and parliament inquiry and a country where you can't even install a communal swimming pool without a vote.
Nikki: For making me laugh- Jesus, she has really made me laugh- and for always being splendid company. Basically for just being delightful and utterly unique.
Josh: For giving the office the only oportunity to drink champagne in the afternoon (following the birth of his nephew) and for selected witty comments from his corner of the room.
Eve: Eve also wins props for making me laugh, altough often the comments were not intended for me or anyone else but was part of an amusing running monologue that usually lasted all day. She also had an almost sixth sense of what I would find funny when recommending an article from the net usually stuff that wasn't necessarily funny on the surface like Mexico having two presidents.
As for all the other interns- I had the vague feeling you were there, but we never met so what can I say? To paraphrase Vinnie Jones, It's not been emotional. However best of luck with your lives wherever the fickle winds of destiny will take you.

A tribute to Grandma

I was going to write a post yesterday about how grumpy I had been on Wednesday and maybe have a few other pointless rants about life in general, but I didn't. My grandma died yesterday.
The last time I saw her was the morning I was leaving for Kampala three months ago. She was lying in bed and she sounded really sorry to see me go. She had not been in the best of health, but I didn't for a second think it would be the last time I would see her again.
When I stayed in her house in Kigali this summer, we had a running joke. Every afternoon I would walk out of my room and find her sitting in the sitting room. She would smile and aske me where I was going. I'd reply that I was going to meet some friends in town and I would be back later.
"Come back early" She would say.
"Absolutely" I would reply.
We would both laugh because we knew I wouldn't be back early at all. I'd stumble into the house at 2.am, have a quick dinner and crawl out of bed at 11 the next morning. She'd smile at me and make sure I had a good healthy breakfast. Worried about my skinny frame, she would also carry out an extensive inspection of my plate to make sure I was eating enough at lunch. And there were always at least three refills of my glass of milk. In the afternoon I would be on my way out again and oncee more we'd carry on our little running joke. Yes, I'll be home early grandma- seriously. She would laugh and nod as if she believed me.
I can't imagine how the house is going to be without her. Her very presence seemed to hold all of us together. When I heard the news, I couldn't help remembering how proud she had been of me when I got my degree and how she made me feel as if I had done something truly special.
She will never refill my glass again. She'll never tease me about my weight and my Kinyarwanda. We'll never have our little running joke ever again. There's no real tribute I can write for such a great person except to dwell on all the little things that set her out and that made me love her.
We miss you grandma. R.I.P

Life is a dream that keeps me from sleeping

The interns ball took place on Friday. They changed the name to 'Tanzania ball' to be more inclusive and to show how much they loved Tanzania but I stuck stubbornly to the original name. It was OUR ball godammnit, we didn't have to change the name just to prove we love Tanzania. Some of us don't, but let's not get into that.
Anyway I was fortunate enough to share a table with the three interns I feel most comfortable with- Anne-Cecile, Nikki and Hannah. Talk inevitably drifted to girlie matters like complaining about ill-fitting shoes. My views on the matter were that if you were wearing shoes with the express purpose of walking in them, surely you should pick shoes that fit you? It was this genius approach that I had applied to choosing my own shoes for the night.
An unrelated shoe problem plagued Nikki so much that she started walking around barefoot. She was wondering aloud whether this was appropriate which is how the two of us ended up having the following conversation:
"Well I am a rebel you know"
"Your surname name is Palmer" I told her "What kind of rebel has a name like Palmer?"
She defended the kick-ass credentials of her surname with a reference to President Palmer in the TV series 24 (inadvertently giving away crucial plot twists to Anne-Cecile who had only seen the first series)
"I've got a group called Nikki's rebels" She said "You haven't heard of it because it's top secret"
"So what are you fighting against exactly?" I asked.
"Well I can't tell you obviously" She said "It's a secret"
"Well how does one join?"
"That's a secret as well" She carried on in mock seriousness "But you'll know once you've joined"
"So your'e the one leading this group then, are you?"
She looked shocked "Me? Dear Lord no. Nobody knows who the leader is. That's another secret"
"Well the group is called Nikki's rebels" I pointed out "If you are trying to keep the leader's identity secret, it's probably not a good idea to go around calling yourself Nikki. That's a bit of a giveaway"
She said "Nikki? Who is Nikki?"
The conversation carried on in this vein as our table went up for dinner.
"This might be the most deranged coversation I've ever had" She said as we stood in the food queue. I was too busy laughing to respond.

The night quickly moved from a loud, colourful affair into a hazy blur. My first unclear memory is having a long, interesting conversation with a guy who had come down to Tanzania to propose to an intern called Alice. I don't remember his name, but he was English and he supported Crystal Palace. Then right afterwards we went to Masai Camp at around 1.am- the three girls, Christian and I- and from there everything became even more distinctly unclear. I dimly recall playing darts with Hannah and Anne-Cecile. I had never played darts before, but I recall giving it a pretty good go. I nearly hit the bulls-eye once and I turned around and saw a Korean-looking girl cheering me on. For a split second I wondered what was going on. I stumbled to the bar and ordered another drink. I felt completely fine, but unbeknownst to me, I was roaring drunk. I had to keep an eye on Hannah who looked pretty gone. I recall bumping into Eve and telling her that I would miss her. Eve is my neighbour in our crowded office and she's made me laugh quite a few times. She's leaving soon and I'll miss the little rambling monologues she used to have with herself sitting right behind me.
And then somehow I got home. I don't recall directing the taxi driver, but it seems I did. The girls were also in the car and Hannah was already asleep. Needless to say I had the hangover from hell the next day- my first official hangover in three months- but it had been worth it. Hell of a good night.