Quotes of the year

Following are my favourite quotes this year, all of which gave me a hearty laugh or a wry smile. So as not to skew the results, there is a separate New Times section to reflect their services to unintentional comedy. We'll start with them and then move on to others who were being deliberately funny.

The New Times 'unintentional comedy' section:

"CECAFA TICKLES"
I already discussed this New Times Sports headline but I have to repeat it-its a definitive example on how not to write a headline

"....and was later taken by force to court although he was later taken to court forcefully"
The New Times surpass themselves yet again

"It has come to our know that the coalition group has been given several warming letters to stop destroying the party but they have turned to a deaf ear"
say what?

"Kigali city...is said to have conciously removed its foot in fire"
A good thing too...that sounds like it could have been painful

"Kigali's striking models performing the 'cat work' fashion style'
Clearly The New Times are ahead of the game in rejecting the term catwalk and inventing their own fashion term

"Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring and then you wake up to listen to its ticking sounds in the silence of love's language"
Possibly the funniest description of marriage I've ever read

"'I am not a cowboy' says Polisi"
Well this headline was genuinely funny to be fair to the guys.

"Among those profoundly reported to be on the move..."
The New Times sports section offers us another gem here. Who knew that football transfers had a deep philosophical resonance?

"My brothers, sisters and prostitutes..."
This was in the letters page a few months ago, an unintentional reworking of the famous speech in Shakespeare play 'Julius Ceaser'

And the genuine wit:
"He's going to be very busy. And I've got a nasty feeling he's going to want us to be busy alongside him"
The ever-hilarious Simon Carr of 'The Independent' newspaper

"We still have mountains to climb but at least this is an even playing field"
Al Sharpton mangles metaphors so wonderfully that he deserves some serious kudos.

"Kim looked for want of a better word 'out of it' suggesting perhaps that his policy towards the re-unification of Korea was more 'moonshine' than 'sunshine"
Simply brilliant from Leo Lewis of 'The Times' on North Korean madman Kim Jong-il.

"No police report can truly capture my love of drunk-driving"
A headline in The Onion-the satirical site that is required reading.

"Can you not know that you are using forced labour?"
Mark Steel skewers the corporations working in Burma. I've always thought that Steel is probably the funniest man on earth now that Dave Barry is retired.

"This is more than beef...its pork"
My friend Louis very nearly winning quote of the year with this one.

"Even when he is standing in a corner alone he is still on another nigger's time"
Louis completes a fantastic one-two with this legendary diss of someone who will not be mentioned here.

"I must say, I've never thought of murderers as 'persistently anti-social before"
A commenter on one of the Guardian's 'comment is free' articles.

"His ideas of liberty are what I try to dose on when I'm trying to sleep"
Simon Carr again mocking Gordon Brown