Kampala: Out of the frying pan...

"Keep Kampala dirty" Ezra says as he tosses something out of the window. It's a good line from the man that Raymond will subsequently refer to as his hero. Ezra outdoes himself later when he tells me "I hope God didn't see that!" although I can't remember what we were talking about at the time.
Kampala is a fantastic city and with so much happening that it can make you dizzy. On the other hand it is suprisingly dirty with huge piles of rubbish quite often piled right by the side of busy roads. Ezra's philosophy is only in keeping with the general attitudes of Kampala's citizens. Interestingly these piles of garbage are often to be found around signs quite clearly saying DO NOT DUMP RUBBISH HERE. People obviously have a perverse sense of humour. Driving into Kampala from Kigali I was also struck by how some words will soon lose all meaning. In Mbarara I saw a place called 'Traveller's 'hotel' yet it was so small and rundown that a cockroach would have rejected it. Mbarara also has a place called 'The Lord's bar' which I think is such a cheeky and shameless attempt to bring in people from 'both sides' so to speak that I believe the owner of that place may very well be a genius. Mbarara is a modern city and if Kampala rests on its laurels, Mbarara could easily become the better of the two.
But anyway like I said Kampala is a very happening city. We were 'rolling' as Ezra calls it but which in proper English would be 'driving áimlessly from bar to bar'. Along the way we adopted Chamillionaire's hit song 'riding dirty' as our anthem spurred on by the illusion that there were people out there who saw us 'rolling and hate it'. Although looking at Chamillionaire you wonder if any person on the planet looks as dodgy as he does. Not only is he a monument to mankind's endless fascination with shiny things but he also looks as if he has discovered the secret to eternal ugliness.
But anyway I'm wandering away from the topic. On our rolling expeditions we recruited a few individuals who didn't quite know what they were in for including Isaac and Raymond. Ray is easily the most hyperactive person I have ever seen which is why it shouldn't have come as a suprise when he confessed that he can't drink coffee. Raymond on any sort of stimulant would make Taz the cartoon character seem docile. His catchphrase- which to be fair I provoked him into using many times- is "You guy your'e stupid!" One afternoon at a restaurant in shoprite Raymond proceeds to tease, flirt with and generally just confuse the hell out of the waitress. Isaac just sat there shaking his head and possibly looking back fondly at a moment in his life when things made sense and he wasn't being saddled with two mad men.
The day before I left, Ezra and I picked Raymond and Mugasha- a very jolly fellow- and headed for the beach. The others ordered fish and believe me when those guys give you a fish, they bloody well give you a fish. They were all huge. Raymond's fish lay on his plate, one eye fixed lifelessly on me. I wasn't suprised that it was so still- the bastard was dead after all. The eye however was a bit creepy. Raymond says he doesn't trust vegetarians but as I explain to everyone I am merely a wannabe- vegetarian. Besides I wouldn't trust a man who hates football and thinks Top Gear is God's gift to mankind.
We had a big debate about the idea of being faithful. Raymond was fighting that corner quite gallantly while Mugasha was flying the flag for the philanderers everywhere. Raymond was asking him if he would feel guilty about cheating on a woman.
"Guilty?" Mugasha looks completely blank as if Raymond is trying to explain the concept of quantum physics.
"If you love her, wouldn't you feel guilty?" Raymond presses.
" Love her?" again Mugasha looks blank.
Raymond tries to explain that if you loved someone, you would feel guilty if you cheated on them. "I'd feel guilty if I got caught" Mugasha says laughing. Ezra and I have wisely sat this debate out and in the end there is no agreement on the role of guilt in keeping couples faithful. Raymond however suprised me by doing what I had never associated with mr choir boy- ogling women. And I dont mean in that quiet pretending-not to-stare kind of way. We walk along the beach, pose for pictures and make several misguided attempts to look cool.
By now the meal has been disposed of and the other three have gone to great lengths to ensure that the fish have not died in vain. We jump into the car and as the sun sets lazily over our bloated bodies, we head back to Kampala.